I understand that Lion Voltron is more popular than Vehicle Voltron. I don't really care when I here people my own age listing off all the half-remembered reasons why Vehicle Voltron was boring, why it sucked, why it was different . . . I just patiently wait until their done, and say "But Vehicle Voltron didn't have Nanny. Or the space mice. But mostly Nanny."
Uhhhh . . .
Seriously. NANNY?!?! What the bloody---?!?!?!
Fine. Our heroes begin the series based out of the Magic Kingdom. And there's a princess. And a witch. And space mice. But please, explain to me how NANNY makes Lion Voltron superior. And bring a mop. 'Cuz I'll projectile vomit.
The Lion Has New Claws
This episode opens on . . . Planet Doom. Zarkon lamenting that Voltron was not destroyed. How unusual. However, we cut very quickly to the shiny new Castle of Lions as a boat approaches accross the moat. Ohhh, if only Coran had had the moat patrolled by Sharkticons, a lot of pain would never have to be endured.
The sleeping castle is awakened by the alarm. Everyone awakens in their separate rooms. Except Hunk. He writes the alarm off as a short circuit (logical, considering that, y'know, the team is short-handed and Zarkon has the advantage). Pidge, Keith, and Lance encounter a shadowy figure in the hallway. When the figure simply laughs at their challenge, Pidge kicks her. Why didn't he use his laser?
Coran introduces the team to Nanny. Nanny blusters.
***vomit***
Nanny agrees to be the royal governess again. And then more horribleness ensues.
The alarm goes off again, Pidge fails to rouse Hunk, and the other three run to the control room. Keith sees that someone is in the blue lion. Cutting-edge Pong-style computer graphics show that someone is stealing blue lion. A scream over the radio causes them to realize it's Allura, and she's clearcutting a few Arusian forests with blue lion. And she got a snazzy pink uniform. She just wants to help in Sven's absence. But, apparently, she hasn't had a learners permit.
Nanny (***bleyauuggghhh***) force the team to rescue the princess at spearpoing.
It's gonna be a long wait until that episode when Coran's son comes back. *ahem* I didn't say anything.
Allura discovers that blue lion apparently has a "spin violently and assume a nose-dive" switch. Or is it a button? Keith manages to talk her down. Despite Nanny's best efforts to interrupt and kill them all. There's apparently a switch that takes the lion out of "flat-spin nosedive" mode. And the princess is down. And safe. And Haggar's cat is spying on the proceedings from a mountain.
Allura recovers from the accident in her room, and then tries to go back to blue lion. Coran doesn't like this idea. Girls are supposed to be pretty, and quiet. And not to fight. Then nanny spanks her.
Yep. Sure glad I'm watching this. Vehicle Voltron is just sooo boooring.
Allura--back in her Disney dress--simply won't give up her desire to fly blue lion. Nanny claims that there are MEN (cuz defending your people is a MAN's job--Nanny, FUCK YOOOOOOOOOU!!!) in the village at Crown Mountain who could do it. Coran offers to go (cuz he's a MAN) but Nanny claims she should go 'cuz it's her idea. Oooh, a double standard!? God, I fucking hate Nanny.
Zarkon, fresh from the Minnesota Renaissance Festival, is gnawing on a turkey leg. Haggar says she's going to send a Robeast to hold Nanny hostage and lure the incomplete Voltron force to their doom.
Nanny nears the mountain village, and a mountain crag shatters, revealing a Robeast. An angry steer robeast. Who is about a mile tall in some of those shots, judging from the puniness of the buildings he's stepping on. And he eats some of the villagers, to Pidge's (and possible the censors') dismay.
They go out in the lions. Chute count: Keith 1, Lance 2, Pidge 3, Hunk 5. So blue lion must be behind door number 4.
Coran rushes to tell Allura of the attack, and is somehow surprised when she wants to join the Voltron force. And ties her to her chair.
Yep. Better than watching all those flying cars form Voltron.
Yurak watches the four lions approach from his Rooster Frigate. Keith arranges some sort of formation. The Robeast reaches for Nanny . . . And misses. Black and yellow lions form lion blades, and yellow does a piggy-back attack off of black's back, only to get knocked into a canyon wall. Red and green, also now with blades, join black lion in an attack from multiple directions. The robeast steps on red and holds black lion in his hands.
The space mice free Allura (yay space . . . mice?) she takes chute 4 to blue lion, and arrives on the scene. Nanny bluster. Keith decides he's had enough of being squished by the great cowbeast, and leaves his grip to lead the formation of Voltron.
Voltron first uses a combined fire-and-hurricane attack from red and green lions, and the yellow and blue lions add their own flames. Then Voltron forms the blazing sword, and the result is about a year's worth of hamburger.
Yurak wonders how he'll break the news of Voltron's return to Zarkon.
Nanny wonders what Alfor would say if he knew Allura is adamant about flying blue lion. I'm pretty sure he'd say KICK ASS!!!
Nanny's such a bitch.
The Beautiful Princess' Battle
Gods, I don't think I can take another version of this episode. But, since the likelihood of anyone reading this or watching along is almost nill, I will soldier on. Mostly because I hate myself and want to cause myself pain.
This is the first opening with Fala in the "One . . . plus one" sequence.
We open directly on Hys' approach to Castle Gradam by boat. So the brief Zarkon sequence was clearly added from other episodes. Also, the mice detect Hys' entrance a split second before the alarms go off. With antenna in their tails. That's good. At least it's not as stupid as Dairugger. That doesn't have any stupid mice.
Hys just laughs at their guard challenge in this one. So, kicking her really doesn't seem like that much of an overreaction. Especially since Honerva just killed Shirogane, and Kurogane states outright that he thinks she's Honerva.
Hys wants Raible to arrest the Golion team as thieves. Raible says they're not royal (?) but they're what they've got to work with. Hys is upset that they have to rely on lowborn rabble. Really? Could it be possible for Hys to be even more horrible than Nanny? Good gods, Japan/
There is a little more outright chauvenism in the dialogue throughout the scenes in which they try to talk Fala down from blue lion. However, Kogane is sure it's a Galra saboteur in the moments before they hear Fala's scream.
Fala actually seems even more determined in this performance. Aaand, we're treated to the comedy of Kogane, Kurogane, and Suzuishi falling off the elevator tower as it extends. (That was in Voltron, too, but I was too busy typing about other stuff to note it).
Maybe if Nanny/Hys didn't remind me so much of one of my ex-coworkers, I wouldn't feel like slashing my wrists every time she spoke. Yep, watching a multi-chinned matron spank a teenage girl sure is high comedy. And it's probably a good thing my girlfriend just took the scissors out of the room.
The mountain is named Pierrane here. Mount Pierrane. The first Altean place name.
Seido finally gets out of bed, yawns, and drops his pant, showing us all his uncharted regions.
But it could be worse. We could be hearing Commander Hawkins and Hazar talking about PEACE. How horrible.
Did Daibazaal "seed" conquered planets with beastmen as insurance? They start getting uppity in some regions, and he says "There is insurgent activity at Mount Pierrane. Activate Beastman Mogyula!" This Beastman Maguyla doesn't seem to have any weapons beyond its teeth, claws, and that weird stump on his right hand. He sure does step on a lot of those good strong village men, though. Go Maguyla!
Raible's got a bit of a beer gut. Raising a princess in a devasting kingdom may require you to drink a lot of your pain away.
He may not have any built-in weapons, but Mogyula sure can throw rocks good.
Shogane's plan seems to match Keith's pretty well. Were they just inferring from the images, or did they have a translation of the script?
We're back to the Golion theme song with lyrics for this formation sequence. And, if you've never watched Golion before, there is a reason I'm tracking the songs.
Golion attacks with Fire Tornado (from the hands), and then Grand Fire from the feet. The Juyoken cry is still a bit weak. And this time Golion decapitates the beastman before cleaving him in twain. Awesome.
Oh, gods, Golion, just step on Hys? And, oddly, Hys' comment about her father is much the same as in Voltron. They must have had a script handy.
Ugh. That's over. Not my favorite episode. Next up is the one with the cobra-man, and that one is one of my favorites!
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